Endure and Survive
by Sir Cameron Dragic
Summary: One shots about Joel and Ellie's lives after the end of the game, with a focus on their relationship as they grow into a makeshift family amid a harsh and unforgiving world that can only be braved with the human companionship that naturally arises between two like minded people who have gone to the edge of hell and back.
1. Chapter 1: Nightmares

Nightmares

I gasped for air as I felt the weight of a full grown man pressing down on me and shove me down into the ground. My back ached as his knees dug into my flesh, refusing to let me up, no matter how much I flailed against them. Fucking David. I knew I should've put a bullet in him the moment I saw him.

"You can try begging." He taunted, knowing that he had the upper hand, and that there was nothing I could do to stop him. His breath was hot against the freezing winter air, and the rancid stench of blood stung my nostrils.

"Fuck you." I spat in response, putting all my strength into a fruitless effort to push him off of me, but to no avail.

With my strength sapped, I was powerless as he flipped me around so that I could stare straight into his enraged face, with bloodshot eyes and a nasty cut that I had inflicted earlier in plain view. His calloused and weathered hands reached for my throat and took hold, slowly squeezing them until I was struggling for breath.

"You think you know me?" He started, his voice taking on an edge that no longer attempted to hide his open hatred of me.

"Well let me tell you something. You have no idea what I'm capable of." He grunted sinisterly, making it clear that he had no intention of letting me escape with my life. Either I was going to die, or he was. And as of now, things weren't looking like they were in my favor.

My hands reached around wildly, searching for anything to slow the man who was on the verge of strangling me. My fingers gently grazed wood, and for a moment, I felt a glimmer of hope, even as the world was on the verge of blacking out. With redoubled effort, I strained my arm until I comfortably had my hand wrapped around a handle and I struck, swinging as hard as I could into David, slashing his wrist.

He released a howl of pain as he tumbled off of me, clutching his bleeding wrist. In an instant, I was on top of him, machete firmly in my grasp. I raised my arms up in the air and brought them down on him, time and time again. Blood sprayed in every direction, and I knew that after the first strike that he was dead, but I didn't care. My anger overtook me and guided my arms, instructing them to keep swinging, as if he would come back to life.

"Ellie, what have you done?" My hands stopped in mid air, still clutching the blade as I heard Joel's shocked voice. I turned my head to see Joel, a look of horror on his face as he stared down at the carnage I had caused.

"I had no choice…" I stammered, dropping my arms and allowing the machete to clatter onto the wood floors, staining them with specks of red. My fingers trembled, adrenaline still coursing through every vein in my body, but as I stared down at the mutilated corpse underneath me, I felt sick to the bone and my strength left me.

I collapsed backwards, and I inched my body until it was resting up against a booth, allowing myself to catch my breath. The whole time, Joel just stood there, frozen to the spot. I saw his eyes bore straight through me as they analyzed my actions.

For a moment, there was complete silence.

"Fucking say something, Joel! Anything." I managed, gulping deeply.

Joel took a step away from me, "You're a monster, Ellie."

"What?" I asked, not sure I heard him right.

"Look at him! He's cut into a million goddamn pieces because of you!" Joel screamed, taking another step away from me.

"Joel." I pleaded, crawling forward on my knees, hoping that we could just hug or some shit.

"No. You stay away from me." Joel threatened, hand flashing to his holster.

"Please, don't leave me like this. I'm begging you." I whimpered. My entire body felt cold, and I knew that it wasn't because of the weather. My protector, my partner, my…friend, was on the verge of leaving me. And I could do nothing but watch as I was abandoned once again by someone that I had grown to care for. First Riley, then Sam, and now this.

Why did this have to happen to me? Why was I always the one being left behind, to deal with the consequences? I know that I put on a tough exterior, but I'm scared too. I never wanted to be some savior. I never wanted to be a killer. I don't want to die alone.

And now, my worst dreams were coming true. He turned around, so that I could no longer see his expression of disgust, and began stepping away. And with each step, I could feel my hope slipping away as I was abandoned.

"JOEL!"

"Ellie. Ellie! ELLIE!"

My eyes snapped open and for a moment, I was confused to find myself no longer in the burning restaurant I was just in, but instead, in a warm bed, staring up at a familiar grizzled face. And this time, Joel's eyes weren't full of fear and hatred, but instead, concern. His gray hair fell over part of his face, but even so, I saw his brow furrowed in worry as he shook me vigorously.

And in that instant, I felt a sense of relief wash over my body and a happiness filled my body as I realized that I wasn't alone. Joel was still here for me, despite everything that had happened.

"Joel, don't leave me behind!" I shouted, latching on to him as tightly as I could with my arms wrapped firmly around his torso, refusing to let him go like I had just seen him do. I buried my face into his thick and muscular shoulder and allowed the tears to come from eyes. They were hot and burned my skin before they were absorbed into the fabric of Joel's shirt, and they would not stop coming.

"Shh, it's all right. Just a nightmare." He reassured in a soothing voice as he gently ran a hand down my back, me still bawling my eyes out into him. My face was numb, and my lips quivered as my heartbeat finally began returning to normal, allowing the tears to slow. I sniffled once as my entire body shook uncontrollably as a few more sobs wracked my figure, my chest heaving as I took several deep breaths.

"Baby girl, it's all right. We're safe." Joel whispered to me, his free arm wrapping around my smaller figure and pulling me in tightly, filling me with warmth at his embrace. I finally felt the crying subside, and I sniffled once more as I took one more shaky breath, finally looking up at my surroundings. I was met by clean white walls, along with a wooden closet and a door that looked like it was frantically thrown open by the way it had left a mark in the paint. A large window allowed moonlight into the room, bathing it in a heavenly pale glow that was both calming and unnerving at the same time.

It was by this glow that we had committed some of our greatest atrocities on the road together, and faced some of our toughest challenges. As my senses returned to me, I realized that I was not sitting in some random run down house, but our home in the Jackson Settlement. Joel was safe, and so was I.

"Fuck, that was a hell of a nightmare." I said with a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood as I loosened my grip on Joel, who was more hesitant, and refused to allow me out of his grasp. I awkwardly chuckled, but we both knew that something was not right.

I sighed.

"I'm still thinking about David, and what happened back in winter." I admitted, "I still can't believe what I did."

Joel nodded, and I felt his prickly beard tickle my forehead with every shake of his head.

"I know it's not easy. You went through hell, and you have every right to be scared of what happened. But that's in the past, and you can't let it keep you down. You're too bright for that." He told me reassuringly, and I knew that he was right. But damn it, I couldn't just put it out of my mind. I couldn't just go back to my relatively normal life, and pretend that I never did any of that stuff. I killed someone, and I could never take that back, no matter how badly I wanted to. We had been to the edge of hell and back, and there was no way that I could escape being changed by it. There was just no way.

"I know." I sighed, "And I'll just have to try and move on, in any way I can."

"Then I'll be right here, until you can." Joel said, shifting so that he could lie down on his side with one arm draped over my figure, pulling me close to him so that I could hear his heartbeat and feel his warm breath billowing over me.

I wrapped my nimble and thin fingers over Joel's thick and calloused ones, feeling a strange comfort in knowing that he was right there with me. We led some pretty fucked up lives, but at least now, we were a family, and he wouldn't leave me. He had told me as much.

In this world, there isn't really much to live for if you're living alone. Bill had shown us that, and so had Henry. But I had Joel, and Joel had me. And that was pretty fucking good.

"Hey Joel?" I whispered after we had settled into our positions and gotten comfortable, my back pressed up against his chest, our bodies fitting together in a way so that it felt as if Joel was covering me from any sort of nonexistent danger that might try and threaten me.

"Yeah?" He whispered back, despite the fact that we no longer had to hide our voices from anyone. It was a force of habit now, more than anything. We had conversed in whispers for months on end to keep ourselves hidden, and we couldn't just change our wiring just because we were living relatively normal suburban lives. We were changed, whether it be for good or for worse.

"Thanks. I really mean it."

"No problem, baby girl."

* * *

**Thoughts? Last of Us was just amazing, and I really loved the kind of father-daughter relationship Joel grows to have with Ellie. I kind of want to continue this as a series of one shots about Joel and Ellie's lives after the end of the game, but I hate writing things that no one wants to read, so if you guys want me to continue, please leave your thoughts in a review or PM! Thanks for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2: A Game of Their Own

**Thanks for all of the reviews. I really appreciate all of them! Please enjoy the continuation of Endure and Survive!**

* * *

A Game of Their Own

Two months. That's how long it's been since Joel and I got to his brother's settlement after leaving the Fireflies. Tommy found us a little house to set up in. It wasn't anything special really, just one of the newer houses on the outskirts of the settlement that had been cleared of infected and deemed worthy for living in. But Joel didn't mind, and neither did I.

Really, we were happy to just have a place that we could consider safe from infected and hunters. After a year of sleeping for a few hours whenever we could, ready to bolt at the slightest hint of noise, it was comforting to know that we didn't have to worry about that anymore. Still, it wasn't easy, and it took me a few weeks before I could actually let myself relax and fall asleep without waking up every time the floorboards creaked in the middle of the night.

Of course, I don't think Joel had it any easier. I don't know how he could sleep at all, knowing the things he had done. It was already hard enough for me after the winter we had in the mountains. I still found myself having nightmares over David and the things Joel and I did to survive. I know that it had been necessary at the time, but looking back, we did some pretty messed up shit. It really wasn't easy, but as Savage Starlight always said, "Endure and survive."

Damn, I loved those comics.

I'd managed to scrounge up Volume 15, and I was currently flipping through the pages, reading about Savage Starlight's latest run in with the Travelers when Joel suddenly burst through the door, an excited look on his scarred and worn face. Lately, he had taken to shaving, but he had neglected to do so today, leaving his face with a small stubble in a grayish tint.

"What's going on?" I asked, gently folding the page so that I wouldn't lose my place and tossing off the comic as Joel made his way to the small dining room table that we usually used for eating our dinners off of. Cooking was a nice diversion, and I found that I was actually improving to the point where I could help Joel cook dinner most nights.

He chuckled, causing his muscular chest to ripple, "I found something I thought you might enjoy."

"Really?" I asked a bit doubtfully. No offense to Joel, but he didn't really understand me all the time. He was basically an old geezer at this point, so I guess it was okay, but still, I was kind of skeptical about what he wanted to show me.

"Well, you remember how you said that always wanted to learn about chess back in Bill's town?" He asked me in his powerful drawl.

"Yeah, that was right before he got on my ass about touching stuff in his house." I nodded, remembering exactly how that crazy old man flipped out at me. I definitely didn't regret taking some of his comics after that. The asshole deserved it.

"Here." Joel said, handing me a wooden board divided up into black and white squares.

"I mentioned it to Tommy, and he said he had some pieces lying around." Joel informed me proudly, obviously full of himself for thinking of that. He reached into his pockets and pulled out a multitude of differently shaped pieces, each colored either black or white.

"Cool." I muttered, running my fingers along a white piece I had in my figures, admiring how it had a carving of a horse on it. I really did love horses, and Tommy really had some nice ones to take out to ride. After the little stunt I had pulled a few months back, I wasn't allowed to take a horse out by myself, but that didn't mean I couldn't hang around the stables as much as I wanted to.

"So, want to play a few games?" Joel suggested, pulling out a chair and taking a seat across from me. The wood sagged and groaned as his full weight bore down on it, exposing the chair's age and weakness. We definitely had to fix that later.

"You're on." I replied confidently. I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty good at games. I used to play a Monopoly set I found with Riley all the time before she… anyways, like I was saying, I'm pretty good at games, and if what Joel told me was true, he wasn't, which only added to my confidence.

Smirking, Joel began to arrange the black pieces on his side of the board while I followed along, mirroring him on my own half, until we had an entire board set up and ready for play, the two sets of pieces positioned across from each other on the board, almost like two armies patiently waiting to attack.

Joel set out explaining to me the basic rules and what each piece did. I learned that there were a few different pieces. The knight moved along in an "L" sort of fashion, the bishop moved diagonally along the squares, and so on. After listening for a few minutes, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on the pieces and was only more anxious to start playing. Impatiently, I waved him off as he began trying to explain some more of chess' intricacies.

"All right, I'm ready to play." I said excitedly, choosing to move first with my pawn, which was a pretty good move at the time, if I do say so myself.

"Okay, if you say so." Joel replied with a knowing smile, countering with a pawn of his own.

The two of us traded moves back and forth, neither one of us really finding a distinct advantage. True to his word, Joel double guessed every move he made, and was much more deliberate in his movements while I pressed forward on instinct, pushing forward the pieces that felt right. Although I wasn't close to winning yet, it was clear that I was slowly but surely routing Joel, taking piece after piece from him while he growled in frustration at his inability to stop me.

"So, did you do this with Sarah before?" I asked as a lull settled over us, creating an uncomfortable silence. I know it was a stupid question, but it was the first thing that had come to my mind, and I barely had time to slap my hand over my mouth as I realized what I had just asked. For as long as I had known Joel, bringing up Sarah was a topic that bordered the taboo, and I had just crossed the line.

Suddenly, Joel's hand slipped and he toppled his king, which rolled off of the board and fell to the wooden floor with a resounding clack. I gulped slightly as I saw his shocked expression, and a feeling of guilt welled up within my chest as his eyes stared down into the ground, devoid of any expression, almost as if the being before me was a husk of who Joel had been. The piece rolled along the wood, finally coming to a stop as it bumped into Joel's heavy boots.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have brought it up." I apologized quickly, hoping that Joel could forgive me for what I had said. I scratched my head, expecting Joel to start screaming at me or some shit, but it never came. Instead, he crouched down and snatched up his misplaced piece, repositioning it in its original position on the board.

"No, don't be sorry." He sighed, running a hand through his hair, his eyes recovering some of their life, although there was a weariness in them that had not been there before.

"Yeah, I did play with Sarah before, but neither of us really were any good at chess, so we played it our own way." He chuckled slightly, with a nostalgic smile on his face. I bit my lips as I saw his eyes dampen slightly as small tears welled up, even as he attempted to blink them away.

"Hey, why don't we try doing that too?" I suggested, grasping for anything to take Joel's mind off of Sarah. He still wasn't ready to move on from her, and we both knew that. But maybe, if I could distract him and take his mind off of it, he would be able to forget about her, if only for a little while.

* * *

And that's how we ended up here, playing Battlechessopoly with the remnants of some assorted board games we had discovered around the house. Currently, we were sitting across from each other on the living room floor, each with a thick stack of fake colored dollar bills in our hands.

"C-5." I guessed, receiving a groan in reply. Fuck yeah.

"Hit." Joel grumbled, shoving a red marker into his carrier as I grinned and moved my piece forward on the Monopoly board, which was littered with the ominous red of hotels that I had placed on each of my properties.

He rolled a dice and moved his own piece accordingly, landing on one of my properties that had been outfitted with a hotel, eliciting a cackle from me as I calculated the payment in my mind.

"Clickers were easier to deal with than this." Joel muttered with a scowl on his face as he paid me my money and switched over to the chess board to move one of his knights.

In response, I moved one of my rooks forward, taking the knight he had just moved forward.

"Checkmate." I declared triumphantly, as Joel just shook his head and smiled.

"Yep, you got me." He reluctantly admitted, toppling his king with a swipe of his hand.

I dusted off my jacket with a bit more confidence than I normally did, "I did warn you that I am pretty good at games."

I glanced up at the clock that hung over our living room to find that it was already 8:00 and we hadn't even started cooking dinner yet.

"I guess we should start on some food." I sighed, struggling to my feet and stretching out deeply after sitting in one spot for so long.

"Wait." Joel suddenly spoke up, stopping me in my tracks, "Ellie…thanks for being here. It was good to have some fun for a while."

I heard the quiet tone of loneliness, and I nodded softly in understanding. He was still reeling from Sarah's death, and I knew that he was just trying to use me as a replacement. But strangely, I didn't care. He was the closest thing I had to a family in this fucked up world, and we were both just using each other to get through each day.

"Yeah. Anytime, Joel." I replied, folding my arms across my chest.

"But next time, I'm definitely going to take out your carrier before you can even think about buying any properties." Joel chuckled, starting in the arduous process of cleaning up the board game parts littered all across the room.

"You just keep dreaming." I said with a smile. Family or not, I wasn't about to lose to an old geezer like Joel.

* * *

**If you guys liked it, please, don't be afraid to leave your thoughts in a review or PM! I really appreciate any and all response I can get for this series. I was thinking of writing a chapter from Joel's perspective, so please, let me know if you guys are interested in more. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3: Daughters

**Just a short little something I thought up of from Joel's perspective. As usual, thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Daughters

When people talk about loss, I don't think they have any real understanding of what loss actually is. They might think they know, but ultimately, you don't know what loss is until you watch the life leave your daughter's eyes as you helplessly cradle her in your arms. Knowing your own limitations, and that there is absolutely nothing you can do but to watch her die is a jarring reminder of one's own mortality. I know that it hit me harder than I wanted to admit at first.

I closed myself off, deciding that, to survive, I would have to put up walls so that no one else could enter my heart and I would never have to experience loss like that again. As crazy as Bill was, he had a point. Partners in this world were only good for getting you killed. As close as Tess and I were, we always kept a distance because of that incontrovertible fact. We both knew that there was the possibility that either one of us could die at any time, and we knew that making a true connection would only doom whoever was left behind.

And for a while, we got along that way, and, despite our constant companionship, we were always alone at heart. But then, we met Ellie. I don't know how it happened. Maybe it was because we went through hell together, and we had a relationship birthed in fire and brimstone. I haven't been a religious man for a long time, but I can't help but to feel as if we were fated to meet. Maybe she was meant to be my second chance.

When I lost Sarah, I never expected to open myself up to anyone else ever again. I won't ever admit it to her, but the truth is, I really care about Ellie. Not as a replacement, like she seems so keen on believing, but as a real daughter. I never thought that I would say this, but I truly couldn't live without her. She means the world to me, and I would do anything to protect her.

I know that she's supposed to be the cure for humanity, or something, but all I see is Ellie. And Ellie means more to me than some cure that may or may not save the world. Even if they had been able to make something out of her, what use would it be? All we would be saving is a world that doesn't deserve to be saved, filled with men like me, who could never be a part of the world that had once existed anyways. We've all crossed a certain line to survive, and having some injection isn't going to change all that.

That's why I couldn't let them take Ellie. Not then, not ever. I told her once that we just have to keep searching for a reason to live. I know that she's still searching, but I've already found mine.

And that was why I was currently fingering my trusty shotgun, which I had displayed proudly out on the living room table, knowing that it was in full view of all those assembled in the room, which included me, Ellie, and a teenage boy that may or may not have his head blown off in the next thirty seconds.

I knew his type. Cocky, hot headed, and he probably fancied himself as a ladies' man. I know, because I was once him a lifetime ago. I recognized the brash smirk he had on his face as the same one I had used on Sarah's mother.

And damn it, I wasn't about to let him steal my daughter from me!

"Joel, Nate and I are just going to take some horses out. It's not like a date or anything." Ellie pleaded.

"And that type of thinking is what's going to get you taken advantage of." I replied back.

Harsh, I know, but it's the truth.

"Look, Mr. Joel, I know what you're thinking, but Ellie's going to be perfectly safe out there. I've been riding horses for a while, and I can definitely handle myself in a fight if things get hairy." Nate cut in, an unwelcome intruder on a conversation that clearly only included me and Ellie, but whatever.

Still, he was right. I knew for a fact that Ellie still carried a knife around with her everywhere, a force of habit that neither of us had really grown out of. And I knew that she was resourceful. The fact that she had taken care of me by herself for a couple of months was evidence enough for that.

But you know, it's hard to see your daughter walking out of the door without feeling at least a bit protective. Especially when you've seen…Anyways, I know that I'm being unreasonable at this point. It's just scary to think that maybe Ellie won't be coming back through the doors tonight. I know, what's the chance of that happening, right?

Ignoring him, I sighed, "I guess I'm just being overprotective, but you have to understand where I'm coming from."

"Yeah, I know. But I'll be safe out there, I promise." Ellie reassured, holding up a pinkie.

I had taught her about pinkie promises, and for the last few months, we had sealed every promise with one. And this time wouldn't be any different, as I begrudgingly gave her the best comforting smile I could and wrapped my large finger around her tiny one. She didn't really get it the first time, but I think that she understood well enough why we did it. She never asked, never brought up her name. But she knew, and that's why she kept doing it. Because she thought that keeping up the illusion of Sarah would be better for me.

She always was much smarter than I could ever hope to be. At first, it had been true that I wanted Sarah back, but as time passed, I knew that things had changed. Sarah was Sarah, and Ellie was Ellie. I like to think that they would have gotten along well, but I also know that they aren't the same person. They're far too different for me to even think that.

But as different as they both are, one thing remained the same. Losing them would kill me. The Joel that was alive before the outbreak is not the same Joel you see today. That Joel is long dead now, and he's never coming back. And that's why I didn't want to see Ellie go, because I know that this time, if I lose her, there won't be another Joel.

I ran a hand through my rapidly graying hair. I guess that Ellie wasn't really far off anymore when she called me an old geezer, "Look, just promise me that if you get into any trouble, holler for me, and I'll come running, no matter what."

"All right." Ellie replied, with a genuine tone in her voice. I knew that she trusted me about as much as I trusted her, and that she took my words seriously.

"And you." I pointed to the black haired teen, whose confident exterior wavered for a second under my glare, "Be sure you two get back here before sundown. Clickers get active around then, and I don't want to hear about any trouble."

"Got it." He replied immediately, stiffening as he did so.

With that, the two waved their goodbyes and dashed out of the door.

I sat back in my chair for a moment, eyeing the window anxiously, craning my neck so that I could see them, until they disappeared out of my sight. My eyes drifted back to the shotgun on the table, their gaze lingering there for a minute before I shook my head in frustration.

I got out of my chair, feeling my aged and weary bones creaking under my weight and I twisted around for a second, feeling the muscles in my back loosen up. I reached a hand into my jeans and felt around, grabbing hold of a few shotgun shells. I fished them out and quickly jammed them into the empty shotgun, an action that was engraved into my muscles by memory.

I glanced up at the clock.

It was now 11:05. They had left the house at 11:00. I figured that a five minute head start would be long enough.

Maybe one day, when I'm too old to fight and I don't have to worry about Ellie anymore, then I'll let her go out on her own. Hell, I might even let her out with boys without keeping a close eye on them.

But today is not that day.

* * *

**Is Joel a little OOC in this? Maybe, but I feel like this is the kind of dad Joel would be. Anyways, I played through Bioshock Infinite, and I found it incredibly interesting that the last two great games of this console generation just so happened to be stories of fathers trying to reconcile with their daughters. Just a little thought. **

**Also, please leave any thoughts or ideas in a review or PM. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
